This blog was born in one of the most challenging chapters of my life: the long, uneven process of integrating into Europe — specifically, into Germany. In the early days, I wrote about learning a new language, searching for a job, and slowly building a circle of friends and acquaintances. Nothing about that journey was linear. I stumbled, learned, unlearned, and tried again, over and over, until I could finally say — with a quiet, hard‑earned sense of triumph — that flight HnH has landed.

It took almost 3 decades. To be exact: 28 years filled with meaningful connections, disappointing encounters, and everything in between. And somewhere along the way, I aged. I have now spent more years in the country I integrated into than in the country where I was born. Which leads to the million‑dollar question: Which country is now my home country? Well, I feel both! I have the privilege to enjoy the best and not so ideal in both countries. I feel good when I am in the Philippines and even so when I go back again to Germany. Just the same as I miss both whenever I am away from one or the other.

This year, I am turning 54. Another number now marks not just age, but the years of transformation, adaptation, and identity‑shifting that brought me here. Not simply in the sense of adding another candle to a birthday cake, but in the deeper way life ages a person — through experience, loss, growth, and the subtle reshaping of identity.

As I settled into the country I chose — the country I worked so hard to integrate into — something else shifted. Almost without noticing when it began, my sense of homeland changed. I am now proud to be a German national. I feel the need to defend negative impressions about Germany. I feel the urge and excitement to promote Germany as a country worth visiting in one’s lifetime. I feel joy wearing my Dirndl. I feel good speaking the language confidently.

And so, the conclusion becomes clear: Call it political, cultural, personal — the label doesn’t matter.

What it is? It’s CHANGE. People change — and I am no exception. I’ve grown into the culture, values, and rhythms of my new home, Germany. Yet in embracing this new chapter, I never lost the identity that shaped me. My love for the Philippines remains woven into who I am. By origin, by birth, by blood, by ethnicity, and by the color of my skin, I will always be Filipino.

After many months of preparation, meetings and planning revisions… our contract signing finally happened! My work has shifted from customer services to project manager. A huge leap, a high stake risk… one that hubby and I have been planning for several months and a number of early online meetings! Thanks to zoom, teams and other messaging platforms, we could work on our project remotely. We have now moved on to the documentation applications and submissions. My patience was tested to the sky and back. Every time I went to the visit the location, I become more eager to start on the construction.

But, everything takes time… so, I succumb and wait. 😉

I read somewhere that the true wealth is having a clear calendar. I proudly declare that I AM RICH!!!! As of today, I have a very clean calendar! Yeheeeyyyy!!!!

Okay, sometime in the middle of the month, I am a few days poorer as I have some two entries in my calendar that simply cannot be put aside.

Otherwise, yours truly is happily 🙂 🙂 dancing to the tune of “K’NAAN – Wavin’ Flag”….

Reality sneaked-in. I was informed that my sugar level is elevated. My doctor decided to monitor it and I ended up having to prick my finger two hours after each meal. My level has maintained between 6.4 mmol/L-6.9 mmol/L. At some point, where I consume at every meal carbs and all the other delicious good stuff 😉 then it shoots up to 7.4mmol/L. A healthy blood sugar level maintains typically at below 100 mg/dL (5.6 mmol/L).

After monitoring this for 6- 8 weeks, my doctor was leaning towards the diagnosis that my digits indicates Type 2 diabetes.

My additional symptoms:

Shortness of breath
Pain in my feet or legs
Dry skin
Weakness or Fatigue
The need to urinate a lot

What to do:
Its simple actually.
Keeping a healthy diet and consuming less carbs is first on the list.
Regular activity is most important.
Exercise helps because it:
1. Lowers the blood sugar level without medicine
2. Manage weight by burning extra calories and fat
3. Improves blood flow and blood pressure
4. Increases energy level
5. Improves one’s ability to handle stress

My diet consist mostly of rice, rice and more rice. Even my hubby noticed that if I don’t eat rice, then I become depressive and moody. Wait-I let me correct that: I am moody when I get hungry and I seem to be always hungry when I do not have rice in my meal…at least every other day.

So, I was browsing and scrolling through my 6 year old smartphone 😉 and found something interesting: something that might help even if I eat rice all the time: A “low sugar rice cooker”.

Amazon sells several brands. I got one just last month. It’s teeny-weeny, actually just enough for hubby and myself. Instead of cooking 4 cups of rice each time, this one can makes 1.5 cups to 2 cups at most. So, it already forces me to minimize our rice intake. The rice also tastes somewhat better that usual. Although it has less starch now, it tastes sweeter and more loose. Mind you, I did not change the type of rice that I am used to. I just changed the way of cooking it. I have to admit I like it better now than before.

And I have been eating rice all my life! Oh, the exercise part will be in my next blog… 😉 😉 😉

Here I was, enjoying my day off after like weeks of running around like a chicken without a head. I decided to indulge myself in another K-Drama series “CLOY”.

I started where I stopped last time, which was episode 12. Then hubby came into the room to check what I was up to. Being the curious Boar that he is, I smiled and immediately defended my laziness as “enjoying” my much-deserved day off. (Of course, with a huge silly grin on my fat-freckled old face).

Seeing that the setting is partly in North Korea, got him hooked. He grew up in East Germany or DDR. He felt he could relate to the situation-environment and practices that was somewhat “realistically” portrayed in the drama. My hubby is not one to binge on K-dramas. He used to binge on all the Star Trek episodes…. Even got his encyclopedia, but never on K-Dramas.

In any case, I change the audio in German as well as the subtitles, for his convenience. Then I explained the story to him so that he can still follow even after skipping the first 11 episodes. He watched it with keen interest and even made some comments about how it was similar to the old DDR times. I didn’t notice when he fell asleep, but suddenly, I could hear his very light regulated breathing. I debated whether I should stop watching and only continue when he wakes up again. But, I thought, since he would most probably still watch the first 11 episodes when I am not home anyway, I just let him sleep further.

About 30 minutes towards the end of the 12th episode, he suddenly stood up. Looked for the remote control and paused the ongoing episode. I’m like: “whoa! what happened?”. And he goes, “let me go to the toilet for a minute”.

“Huh!!!! But you were sleeping the whole, so why bother to pause the episode when you go for toilet break. You won’t be able to follow the ongoing story anyway”.

To which he replied: “Yes. That’s why!”

Duuh!!! I suddenly felt like I was the one who just woke up!

My uplifters at the moment…

One is not allowed for nutty reasons…
The other was bought for friendly options…
And the last one is a gem that I can eat tons of!

Can you tell which is which?

How has your 2025 been so far? I fear that to some, as early as January on, the year has already been very dramatic. It may have brought in tragically a sad beginning, thus they are hoping for a sweet and happy ending!

Remembering that I have lived only over 24 months past 5 decades. I should still be quite active and feeling elated. But it seems like when I start to recall the journey I have traveled so far, I feel the need to slow down now and meditate. Perhaps, start to plan another route.. take another turn or even uproot myself again.

You see, I may have told this story a million times here in my blog, but I will have to write it again.

I started doing summer jobs when I was only 12 years old. Yes! Every summer diligently until I got into college, a prestigious private college in Metro Manila.

Then I started my gig as a working student. I was fine and actually doing well both in managing my time between school and work. I could also maintain a so called-social life while in balancing work and studies. Then I moved on to the corporate world — and I was on my highs! Better than taking brownies, I would say 😉 !!!

It happened sooner than expected that I moved to another continent. I integrated myself and settled up my own hub in a country far from my own. Learned two new languages, built my own circle of spider’s web and started to conquer the world. Well, my own small world, at least!!!

Fast-forward, post Corona Pandemic, my highs staggered downwards. Three years later, I only want to have a slow, laid back life, preferably back in the Philippines. Yes, I am experiencing “pre-retirement” symptoms.

For now, since I still cannot afford to retire, I can dream… and you see…

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams, you will lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for, you keep…

And in some days, I wish I could just disappear quietly. Without bothering anybody, I hope to end everything in my life without leaving a trace or an inch of proof to my existence. Nevertheless, thinking, hoping and praying that I would come back, being reborn to a new world with better circumstances. Like I said, it’s a tragically sad beginning to a sweet and happy ending!

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

Okay! So I am really just being overly dramatic!

Actually, I believe I only want to take a break, a “sabbatical” as some would call it. But sabbatical costs money.. and money has to be earned first… juice colored!!!!

It all started many years ago. When I decided to move out of my homeland in search of greener pastures. It was way back in the late 1990’s when I left the Philippines. With the promise to myself that I would be back after one year. After almost three decades, now, I slowly start the preparation for my promise to myself – the long delayed journey back home.

I never thought it would be difficult. Heck, I really did not think much about it at all.

Until now, it seems like everything that I had to go through when I moved to Europe, I have to reverse. I left to find a better future. I did in one way or another succeeded. I could establish my life here in Germany. I, like many others had to go through all the discrimination, stereotype and all the craziness that Filipinos experienced from their countrymen. Sadly, yes. The Filipino mentality of ingit( jealousy), yabang (bragging), and the never ending “keeping up with the next Juan/Concha attitude.

With much effort, I am glad to say that I survived. My world became smaller in exchange for peace and content. I learned how to live without having to please others. I strived to work hard and develop myself without stepping on others. I got ridiculed for being Eurotrash- simply because my husband is 12 years my senior. But despite of it all, I prevailed.

I concentrated on working my way up at work. I struggled. I sacrificed everything that was left of my youth and productive years knowing full well that I will someday soon enjoy the fruits of my hard labor.

That someday is somewhat getting nearer now. Parang, isang abot-kamay na lang. Or, ilang tulog na lang.

But now that it is getting nearer, I sometimes feel like I am walking on thin ice.

The pressure is on!!! So far, in the qualifying round, the team with best standings are Germany, Portugal and Spain. Needless to say, I am tipping for Germany. In last night’s game against Switzerland, the German team definitely had it bad. The first goal was not counted. Apparently it was offside-goal. After that, each goal attempt somehow wouldn’t go in anymore. No matter how they tried to attempt a goal up to 80++ minutes of the game, they didn’t seem to have luck on their side! Until, finally and literally last minute, Füllkrug made it with a head-shot. The game ended with 1:1 which brings the German team in the lead in Team A and in the whole EM 2024.

Ice breakers do help a lot. In certain situations, if you do not want to be branded as obnoxious, rude or arrogant, you need to have a bagful of ice breakers to get by. For me, my name is enough. Call me egoistic, but i would not dare disregard if somebody mentions my name or call me by my name to get my attention.

If somebody calls my attention with my first name, Hannahlo – then that person must know me from work or at some point, maybe a distant acquaintance. If somebody calls or addresses me as Miss or Ma’am, then most probably that person is a guest or customer or client. If somebody calls me by my pet name, Ayls, ‘Nang Ayls, Ayling then it must be my hubby or my immediate family member. Both my blood relations and my in-laws call me “Ayling”. Endearments like “Ateng” , “Ateng H” would come from my dearest and closest friends who are either here in Germany or somewhere else in the world. I am also referred to as Han, Hannah to which I also normally respond to. suffice it to say, I usually reply depending on how I am addressed. Mind you, if you whistle or start blabbing to me without me looking at you in the eye, well… you won’t be able to get any reply. Call me snob, obnoxious or arrogant… but I simply won’t.

If by chance we know each other, but I just walk on by… please do not think I am ignoring you or pretending I do not know you. The most probable reason is that I am zoning out during that time or I do not have my eyeglasses on, therefore I am not able to recognize you. Most of the time though, if we know each other for a while, then I would recognize your voice… only then will I, yes I promise… I will say hello and stop by for a few minutes to exchange pleasantries.