Monthly Archives: June 2020

Moving on to the next cycle or am I at my last?

I hit my 23rd year anniversary in stepping on European soil this month. Wow, that’s more than a quarter of a lifetime for a human being!

I arrived Europe in June 7, 1997 via Malaysian Airlines flight from Manila International airport. Destination: Brussels, Belgium.
Up to that point, I never realized that I would be spending the next two decades in this continent – Europe. I never imagined that I would change my nationality, therefore, betraying my native land – my birth country.

Here is where I met all kinds of strange and beautiful humans… in private life, via online/internet and yes through work.

So, what pushed me to come here?

I was happily living in the Philippines with my family back then. Back then, we didn’t have much in life. Actually, it was more like a struggle growing up with my four siblings. But we were happy together. The trivial quarrels among us was just the normal process of growing up experiences. Then four became five. Kally, our youngest brother was born 3 days before I turned 18 leaving a huge gap of 16 years from the youngest of the girls.

Somehow, life became a struggle. My father, who used to work outside the country intermittently, decided to stay at home and tend for our youngest brother. My mom became a career woman and everyone else was busy with their High School or College life. My siblings just came home from their dorms or apartment rental during weekends. I was left alone at home with my parents and our youngest brother. I simply assumed that was my fate. That is how my life was dictated by destiny.

The million dollar question is: is Destiny predetermined? Or do we achieve it by the actions and decisions we make along the way?

What if it is true that a human being has 4 cycles of life? In each cycle my destiny is predetermined, then there must be four paintings hanging on a wall depicting the stories of my life. The paintings tells the story of my Fate. Every action and decision big or small, is already painted. I just need to live it. If I do decide to have a change of heart along the way, then this is also already pre-ordained. I cannot escape it. IT is the FATE that my lifeline is bound to follow. If I go against that line, then is it destiny playing its part? I think i am confusing myself. 

What is Destiny? What is Fate? Are they both connected to each other? Or are they two separate lines pulling against each other depending on the life cycle being lived at the moment? 

Next question is: Am I at my 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th life cycle? 

At the age of 16, I thought I should also get a job to be able to help my parents financially. It was not hard since, at such a very young age of 12 I was already doing summer jobs in one of the most popular Publishing company in the Philippines. Hence, getting into the bandwagon of working and studying at the same time was not hard to imagine for me.

Time flew and I was slowly earning well enough to contribute to the family’s monthly income. Back then, while we were all happy and healthy growing up together, we had to face the reality that the earnings were not enough to send all four kids through college almost at the same time plus having to tend for a baby.

While everyone struggled to finish studies and slowly graduated from college, the air at home was getting lighter. At this point, my other two sisters were also ready to help the family have a better standing, hence, the planning to go abroad started. First was the third child, then I left and afterwards, the youngest of the girls with her daughter . . .  one at a time we migrated to the land of french fries, chocolate s and lace embroidery…. that is Belgium!

Twenty-three years later and 15 kilos heavier, meet the new me… mind you, looking only 10 years older, hahaha. (I only wish it were so).

But yes, I am still in Europe. Not anymore in Belgium though. I finally settled my roots in Germany.

In the Northeast part of Frankfurt am Main is where I set up my roots together with hubby.

Perhaps, here is also where I will grow old and wrinkly. Till then, one day at a time… Living contented, happy and healthy!

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Sporadic attack of homesickness

During the quarantine days, I cleaned the apartment from every nook and cranny, wall to wall and every window.
My glass windows are like bigger than the standard size. So cleaning them alone takes me already one whole day. The south part of my living room wall is mostly made out of glass panes. That alone is a challenge for me. In the earlier times, I could clean the whole place in one day. Of course, that was 23 years ago…hahaha!

Anyways, when I am done with the cleaning and baking/cooking, a bit of online scrounging, e-learning and online streaming; sometimes, I still, at the end of the day feel homesick. It sometimes brings me down into a teeny bit of depression mode. When these tiny, molecular sizes of homesickness and depression comes down to me, hubby always notices it immediately. His never ending home remedy: “I should eat rice and bulad (dried fish)!” Rices makes me happy. Bulad even so. That is why, I always have reserves of bulad from the Philippines in my basement freezer. There are just some Filipino food that one cannot buy here in Germany. Or if it is indeed available, the price is like 400% more expensive. And it still does not taste as good. It must be geographical and environmental, climate induced and of course companion related.

In short, eating bulad and rice alone, does not make it as enjoyable as when one eats it in a warm place, with family and/or close friends. It also, most definitely does not taste the same if it’s not eaten with bare hands!

Recently, I got two packs of bulad and 4 pcs of red salted egg from a friend. I promised myself that I would enjoy it one day with fresh cooked plain rice. 

Until now though, i have not touched it. I couldn’t bear to eat it alone. I want to be able to enjoy eating it with friends but because of the coronavirus, everybody is ordered to stay at their own place. No visitation allowed. No short or long travels. No unnecessary excursions, etc. 

So, until when will this pandemic last?

How long must we still suffer, being away from our family, our loved ones just because we are hindered by this dilemma. 

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While I was sleeping

In my times of slumber,
Just when the world was busy to conquer
Corona virus brought so much pain and danger
Millions died and disappeared.

Weeks and months came by-a wonder!
Some countries complied and surrendered
Sacrifices had to be made
So as to prevent Corona to spread.

Drastic measures had to be implemented
Some readily complained while others submitted
Reasons are for no one … not alone for the wicked!
Else everyone will die and wither!

Then I woke up from my slumber,
With a new normal to ponder
People can only wander
With masks and gloves as gear
Human contact is not good
Sanitizer prices went up like gold
And mouth masks are nowhere to be found!

Months and Years would still go by,
Hoping the culprit would subside
Perhaps we will soon descry
The absolute cure to this invisible Feind!


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New Dawn

The deep darkness of the night slowly creeps into the light of the dawn.

Holding thine hand under the thick blanket of warmth and happiness.

Slowly sliding like a slippery eel crawling in the blue waters.

Slowly receding from the nets woven.

Entwined, engulfed in the scenes

I let go…

I let you go…

Until the emptiness fills…

The life, the life I once know!

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